Now what? (Opened a can of worms)

So, as some of you know, here is my situation:

• Drowning in debt (I'm embarrassed to say how much)


• Have about $100k equity in my home in NJ


• BIL lives next door in paid-for house left jointly between him and DH (market value about 350k)


• This is a GREAT place for a family, but very expensive. We've raised our family here.


• I've always SAID I'd be more than willing to leave, but I'm tied down (oops--Freudian slip--I originally typed "died down") by my DH and DBIL who are much more resistant to change

So, that is all changing. DBIL is very frustrated by the cost of home-ownership even though the house is paid for and we don't charge him rent (he has a menial job).



DH is finally getting it that we are HOUSE POOR until our debt is paid, and he also finally understands that the kids aren't interested in the house (I tell him, you can't just keep a house as a souvenir like a charm on a charm bracelet)



We are actually IN CONVERSATION about moving!!!! Kind of calls my bluff on my own emotional attachments to this house.



So, here's what we kind of are thinking:



Somehow joining our resources seems to be in the best financial interest for all. Multi-family, guest cottage--even two very small condos side by side might work (although DH has always been against condo living)



DBIL has always wanted to live on a beach or near a beach in a nice climate. Doesn't have to be Florida--it can be simply milder, like NC/SC/GA.



We all feel it would be best for AH and I/DBIL to have some separation--our own living quarters/kitchen.



I, no matter what, want to spend half the year in the NE. My family is here, my roots are here, and I love this part of the country.



So, even though I said I would NEVER move to Florida and be a snowbird, that might make the most financial sense. My brother and SIL, who I love and who I'd love spending more time with, have a small condo in Palm Beach. So I'm thinking, get two very small condos near my brother. BIL gets his beach, DH gets his dock, I get my brother. I'm thinking Boynton Beach which is 20 minutes from Palm Beach but a heck of a lot cheaper.



Another option is to live in a more temperate residential area (think Research Triangle Park/Raleigh/Savannah/Charlotte) and get a nice single family house with fenced in yard for our dogs, and we can either buy a house with an in-law suite, or get a house with easy expansion possibilities.



If I were to choose all by myself, I'd get a small place in Ocean Grove, NJ. DH could be convinced to do that, but not BIL, who thinks NJ is too cold, and we need his share to buy a house there, as it's not cheap to purchase on the Jersey Shore. Of course, we could just split up the proceeds of his house and he can do his thing and we can do ours, but from a purely financial standpoint it's better to pool our resources.



Or we just stay and tough it out at our current address. At the end of the day, I am very comfortable here--20 minutes from one son, and a car ride (albeit a long one) to my other kids. But it comes down to, do I want to spend my life energy in the twilight of my life for this house?



Any thoughts, from a simple living perspective??? My head is spinning.

Now what? (Opened a can of worms)